Thursday, May 19, 2011

All tried out

Over the past year, I feel like I have put a lot of effort into things. I've tried and tried and tried. But it seems at best I get nowhere. At worst, I get a broken bone and surgery.

I tried being open to new people and new experiences, which is what led me to meet the people who led me to the roller skating rink. And it was because I tried going to roller derby that I started thinking, "I could do that." And of course we know it was thinking "I could do that" that led me to skate like a jackass at the skating rink which led to my glorious injury.

As I publicly declared here, I was determined to move somewhere, so I tried a job search, but that led nowhere. I've tried online dating (which I don't think is sad and pathetic, but rather quite obvious in the Facebook age), but that has led nowhere. I've dated guys I in real life, but those have led nowhere.

I've tried journaling. I've tried communicating my thoughts and feelings. I've tried ignoring them. I've tried trips and I've tried retail therapy and I've tried actual therapy.

And for all that trying, I have gotten nowhere. I'm in pretty much the same place I was a year ago.  Which might actually make it feel worse because shouldn't I be better by now? But I've expended an awful lot of energy and I'm tired. I'm plum tired of trying. So I'm not going to. I am officially done. I'm just going to exist for a while. I can't possibly do any worse by just letting life happen around me than I've done by trying to make it happen.


BellsforStacy said...

I read / heard somewhere that it takes half the length of the relationship to get to feeling better. So if you were together 5 years, you need two and a half to get over it.

All I know is that when life sucks, sometimes it just sucks, and nothing is going to make that better.

Except wine and good TV. Sometimes that's comforting.

It will get better. Swear it. College basketball season is just around the corner. ;)

S said...

So, yay! Only another year of this to go!

(Of course I have to wonder how come this rule isn't applying to him?)

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