Dear woman in line in front of me at the store,

I know you think that when you shop at the touchy-feely community food coop, no one cares about rules. You think everyone should be totally happy-go-lucky hippies living a leisurely life. We should all have no sense of time because we're too busy smelling the roses and enjoying the little things in life. We shouldn't ever get annoyed because we're so in tune with our bodies what with all the organic foods: the whole grains, the free-range chicken, the tofu, the soymilk. No one could possibly be annoyed in that bastion of mother earthiness.

Well, you thought wrong. Even in the happy coop, the express lane should still be reserved for people with 8 items or less! The person behind you, trying to buy just one measly carton of rice milk, will most definitely be highly, highly annoyed at your hogging the express lane with your 5 bags worth of groceries. I did not refrain from punching you because I have such fantastically regular bowel movements from all those fiber-rich foods I buy at the coop. I did not refrain from punching you because you are 70 years old. I did not refrain from punching you because of the happy hormones they pump through the air at the coop. I refrained from punching you only because it is illegal. But I wanted to punch you.

Then again, maybe if I did all my shopping at the coop, I wouldn't be so hostile.

Nah, I'd still think it incredibly rude and presumptuous for someone buying out the store to use the express lane. But maybe I wouldn't be annoyed enough to blog about it.