Sunday, May 6, 2012

In which I use a black silk dress and bedazzled shoes to swindle a Cubs fan

You probably don't remember this, but I collect mini bats. You know those little bats that they sell at baseball parks. I have upwards of 20 of them, from every baseball park I've ever been to plus a few others a friend and my father have given me. I added 4 to the collection back in March from spring training. And I have a few special bats from Kauffman Stadium (the home of the Royals) like a Negro Leagues Museum bat and a special George Brett bat.

George Brett is kind of a big deal to any Royals fan, but perhaps especially to a girl baseball fan who came of age watching him hit homers off Goose Gossage to send the Royals to the World Series and winning a World Series 5 years later and winning batting titles and playing in All-Star games and generally being the greatest player ever. There is still a George Brett poster on my bedroom wall at my parents' house. (My mother has said it doesn't feel right to take him down.) And my favorite number is 5 because of him.

So I was very excited to learn the Royals were doing a pine tar mini bat promotion this year. Remember the Pine Tar incident? Every Royals fan does. And a pine tar mini bat really does need to be a part of my collection. But my excitement only lasted until I realized the pine tar bat game was the same night as my good friend's bachelorette party! NO!!! I couldn't miss the bachelorette because I'm kinda part of the wedding and she's a good friend. But I needed one of those bats!

And then, there one was. After dinner but before dancing last night, we stopped at our hotel to drop off our stuff. While there, one of my friends decided to grab some cash at the ATM. The ATM that was currently occupied by a guy in Cubs gear holding a pine tar mini bat! He was just some silly Cubs fan, so he couldn't possibly have wanted it as badly as I did. I'm not gonna lie. I pretty much just took the bat out of his hands, oohing and aahing over it. Explaining to my friends the significance of the bat and how bummed I was that I didn't have one. How George Brett was my favorite ever and the pine tar thing was one of my favorite baseball moments. I went on and on and on until dumb Cubs guy finally clued in and said I could have it. Thankfully, I didn't have to get as far as the poster on the bedroom wall or the doll who was assigned to root for George and had her very own #5 jersey (all my stuffed animals had favorite players... I was a girly girl who liked to play with her dolls and stuffed animals while watching baseball). And I'm glad I didn't have to resort to downright theft, 'cause I probably would have.

I wonder if Cubs guy has yet realized that once I had that bat in my hands, there was no way in hell he was ever getting it back.


CLH said...

You are evile and unnatural. Poor, poor clueless Cubs fan. I mean, he's a CUBS fan, it's like... pushing baby chicks into a pond full of alligators, so mean.

S said...

I think the shoes actually made me taller than this guy, too. No easy feat as I'm not tall.

He really never had a chance. Nor did the guy who had the sombrero stolen from his head. Apparently I was on a crime spree last night.

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