Saturday, September 18, 2010

Maddie the Mouser (Wanna-be)

My name is Maddie.  I am the fiercest mouser in all the land.  I remain vigilant all day and all night, guarding my house against those icky things that my mommy hates.  My job would be made considerably easier if mommy would remove the gate barring me from getting to the kitchen, where the mice love to play.  Mommy says it's to keep my paws and nose safe from mouse traps.  I do not think she respects my toughness.  If she would let me into that kitchen, I wouldn't get hurt and I would put an end to this mouse invasion right quick.  I am Mommy's most valuable weapon against the mice and she is wasting my talents.

At least, I think that's what Maddie would write if she could be taught to type.  But let me tell you.  My dog is adorable, loving, energetic, and full of infectious fun.  But a mouse hunter, she is not.  She's terrible at it.  Awful.  Truly, she is the world's worst mouse hunter.  Last Saturday, I watched a mouse run along the baseboard in the living room before ducking under the wall.  About a minute later, Maddie perked up and started looking for the mouse.  I have discovered kibble stashed under the couch in a spot that Maddie clearly could not have reached.  So, evidently, under her watch, mice have been able to steal food right out of her bowl without consequence.  Maddie is very sweet and well-intentioned and her eagerness to find mice is pretty freaking cute.  But she's dumb, oblivious, and slow.  And even if she ever did catch a mouse, I don't think she would know what to do with it anyway.

So, Maddie dear, sit vigilantly at the gate and watch for mice all you want, but when it comes to catching the little buggers and getting them out of my house, I think I will stick with traps.

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