Tuesday, June 16, 2015

So I've been really quiet lately. I know that. I feel like a little bit I've lost my voice.

In a way, I feel like my life has turned into a Wile E Coyote cartoon. Like I've run off a cliff and the drop is coming, but it just won't quite happen. Family health issues. Financial issues. Dog issues. Work issues. The hits just keep coming and yet somehow, I haven't fallen yet.

I don't feel I'm able to keep up with everything (or anything) I want to do out of life, that I can't continue to be the truest me I can be because I'm still just churning my legs so madly, hoping the inevitable fall might miraculously not happen.

There's a huge part of me that just wants the damn fall to happen already. If I could just fall, then I could start picking up the pieces, maybe move on. But so far, I've managed to prevent the fall. I haven't come close to making it back to solid ground, but I've kept my legs churning enough that I've avoided the abyss.

It's exhausting. I just want resolution. I want to fall already. Fully, completely, irrevocably. This endless holding on needs to be done.

And I really need to get back to being me.
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