A new chapter

I don't care how good a change is or how badly it needed to happen. Change is always scary. Stressful. Unnerving.

But it's also exhilarating. Especially when the new thing is pretty much exactly what you hoped for in your wildest dreams.

So if I'm really stressed out and wacky for the next few weeks, just know it's 'cause I got what I wanted and am focused on making it as fabulous as I think it can be.

When I was in 5th grade, all the cool kids put lots of buttons on their jean jackets. The more buttons you had, the cooler you were. Now, I had lots of the requisite Garfield buttons, sassy slogan buttons, and I had one purple "S" that I thought was awesome.

But I also had two other buttons. Buttons that probably set me apart a bit from most 5th graders. These buttons read "Execute Justice, Not People" and "Why do we kill people who kill people to show that killing people is wrong?" I've never been a normal person...

In 8th grade, my debate topic was the death penalty and no way would I take the pro side. Throughout high school and college, I followed Amnesty International's bulletins. My senior thesis was on the death penalty. And in law school, I was a vocal member of my university's chapter of the Campaign to End the Death Penalty, participating in debates on the square outside the union among other things.

I hate, hate, hate that my state has a death penalty statute and pursues death sentences against my clients. I wish we had won the fight decades ago. But the reality is that we haven't won yet. So there is still a fight to fight and I have somehow managed to become one of the handful of people in my state who get to be on the front lines (and who get paid for it, too.)

This weekend, I am surrounded by the best and the brightest death penalty defenders from around the nation. We're talking about the legendary Thurgood Marshall, who risked his own life so many times to defend the lives of others. We're hearing from the current legends of the game who have achieved major victories in the last three decades. And no one is looking at me and calling for security, yelling, "What is this silly little girl doing here?" Because while I might sometimes still feel like that dreamy 5th grader, no one else sees her. These defenders see a fellow fighter, someone who naturally belongs among their ranks. I may not know how to manage any other aspects of my life, but man, did I nail living out this dream.

If that 5th grader could only see me now, she would think grown-up Sarah was just about the coolest person ever.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

My baseball bucket list

This is turning into the year of the baseball bucket list. Back in March, we hit up spring training. 4 games at 4 stadiums. And, thus, 4 mini bats.

And tonight, the All Star Game! Kansas City doesn't usually get the big sporting events. We're too far north and lacking a dome, so we can't get the Super Bowl. We don't have a big enough arena to get the Final Four. We haven't made the baseball playoffs since, well, we don't talk about that... Because we're one of those overlooked, small market cities that never contends and never matters, we haven't hosted an All Star Game since before I was born. So maybe an ASG doesn't seem like that big a deal to a New Yorker or someone from Los Angeles. But to a lifelong Kansan, it's something we never thought we could just drive to after work.

But this year, KC got the All Star Game. And I got to go. (Courtesy of my friend A, who is pretty much the source of all fun opportunities and trips and good things that come my way. Everyone should have a friend like this. Or at least be like my game date and have a friend who has a friend like this.)

So now I have been to an All Star Game and I have the free t-shirt and not-so-free mini bat to show for it.

We should all take a minute to marvel that I have somehow added 6 bats to my mini bat collection (don't forget the pine tar mini bat incident from Cinco de Mayo) since March without attending a single regular season game. Odd.

Anyway, I have crossed Spring Training off the bucket list. Now I can cross off the All Star Game. The only thing left? The play-offs. But if you've looked at the standings and watched any Royals games this season, I think you'd tell me I'd better not expect the bucket list hat trick to be completed this year. That's all right. Two out of three ain't bad.

My 4th of July rant

This fireworks crap has absolutely ruined the Fourth of July for me. I dread this day. I dread the week surrounding this day. The only redeeming things about July 4th anymore are that I get the day off and I get to watch Wimbledon. But in the evening, I just get so freakin' pissed off, I can't enjoy anything.

Shooting off fireworks in my town is illegal. And for good reason. It's dangerous, especially this year with a heat wave and a drought. There have already today been multiple fires attributed to idiots shooting off fireworks. It's also loud and disruptive. Fireworks make children cry and dogs bark. And they're hard to sleep through, which is a problem as most of us don't get July 5th off. Especially hard since people who want to blow shit up continue to do so until the wee small hours of the morning, without regard to their neighbors.

But, man oh man, people just feel effin' entitled to blow shit up today. They act like it's their God and Forefathers given right to do so. And screw anyone who tries to stop them. In fact, anyone who tries to stop them is bad, mean, a grinch (or worse), a whiner, a killjoy, and just plain unAmerican.

Well, pardon my French, but FU. You have made our nation's holiday all about your precious right to endanger my property and disrupt my night. You have no respect for anyone but your precious selves and I for one am sick to death of it. You, the ones who insist on breaking the law and keeping your neighbors up at night with hoses at the ready to douse any stray sparks, are the jerks. You are the rude ones. You are the obnoxious, entitled assholes who should shove it. Not me.

And by forcing this fight every goddamn year, you are the ones ruining the Fourth of July for me. Wankers.

I swear, next year I'm taking my dog on a road trip to Canada 'cause I've had it with this nonsense. I'll just celebrate Constitution Day instead.

UPDATE: But apparently, it is asking too much that the pro-blowing shit up crowd show any respect or consideration to those of us who aren't in love with blowing shit up. Sorry. I thought kindness and respect were good things.

My newest new obsession

I'll admit it. I'm a little obsessed. With the TomKat thing. I mean, come on. Aren't you? At least a little bit? It was such a bizarre marriage that made no sense. And it started with the implosion of one of the world's biggest movie stars. And then there was that crazy culty-religious aspect of it. And I kept watching for Pacey to show up and cure Joey of her childhood crush... Oh, wait. (I did always prefer Pacey, btw. Cheered when he and Joey hooked up, even if it hurt Dawson.)

I've always been a little more interested in cults than most people, so I've looked into Scientology a bit before. I've previously read the big New Yorker article about Paul Haggis' departure. I was familiar with the Sea Org stuff and the church's control of every member's money and the Lisa McPherson story. But I've gone a bit overboard in the past few days reading stuff at the Village Voice (which has done a series of articles about Scientology). Then there's TMZ and E!Online and Radaronline. And now my new favorite website, a gossip compendium if you will, Celebitchy.

Naturally, the lawyer nerd in me is coming out when it comes to considering the divorce issues. Ooh, she filed in New York. What does that mean? The one semester I took of family law 12 years ago isn't really doing me a lot of good right now. I suspect she's ok filing in New York, especially since I have a hard time imagining that her big, high-powered divorce attorneys would let her file somewhere she can't actually file.

I don't know (or don't remember) much about how religion can play into custodial disputes. I'm pretty well-versed in some First Amendment issues re: religion, but I don't know what courts really do when the fight between the two parents is which religion will win out. There are potential 1st Amend issues if a court overtly says, "Your religion is kooky, so you lose legal custody of your kid." But there has to be some leeway for considering potential harm to a child. And you've got to believe that if Tom and Katie really can't get along making a judge think that granting sole legal custody really is the best way to go, Tom's kooky religion has to make him look like the less appealing choice.

One thing I have seen is lots of speculation that Tom isn't really Suri's biological child followed by the idea that that will give Katie the upper hand in a custody battle. Or even that she can cut Tom out on that basis. This, I definitely remember from family law. At this point in Suri's life, it matters not one bit if Tom is her biological father. He is her legal father (barring some other thing we don't know). He can't get cut out of custody and visitation. And he can't get out of paying child support.

So, yeah, this what I have been spending my time on the past few days. 'Cause I'm awesome.

Rants of the day

I have several rants in mind today.

1) It should be illegal to water lawns. Watering lawns is nothing more than vanity and is a waste of what we should start viewing as a precious resource. Watering food gardens, of course, is ok. But running sprinklers to keep your lawn looking perfect and green when farmers are wondering how they are going to keep their crops alive is not. I'd go so far as to say it's immoral.

2) I get crabby enough about people violating the law and setting off fireworks in my neighborhood in a normal year. They agitate my dog, which makes me not able to sleep. Because if she's barking until 2 am, I'm awake. And it does make me nervous to think that a stray spark could set my house on fire. Yes, I know the chances are very slim, but the fear of a house fire is strong in me. But this year, with these hot and uber-dry conditions, it will seriously piss me off when people do it. There isn't a burn ban in effect (yet), but even if there is, you know there will be plenty of jackasses who think the law is stupid, shouldn't apply to them, and they're entitled to do whatever the hell they want, no matter how dangerous it is or how disruptive it is to neighbors. Jerks.

3) Paying sales tax on food really is outrageous. I try really hard to stay within a budget. And I am the dork who wanders around the grocery store with a calculator out, making sure I stay on target. Every time I go to check out, it always comes as a shock when the register total is so much higher than my math. Because I pay roughly 8.5% sales tax. On food! On things like blueberries and eggs and tortillas and cheese. I'm not buying outrageous luxury items or unhealthy, processed food. (Ok, I did buy some ramen noodles and a can of refried beans, but the rest of my food choices are very healthy!) This is the only state I have ever lived in where I had to pay sales tax on food and it's outrageous.

4) I thought I was done with just these 3 rants, but ESPN has just started going out on my cable system. During the EuroCup final. Unacceptable, ESPN!!

Must there always be a book?

This might sound odd coming from a lawyer, but I'm not comfortable with defense attorneys making money off their clients. I am a public defender, after all. I won't even let my clients (or their families) buy me lunch, let alone pay me. I don't see myself ever leaving the world of public defense or legal services or law school clinical work. I just don't want to take money from my clients.

I don't begrudge my colleagues in private practice from earning a living and charging a fair fee for their work. But it makes me angry to see clients forced to sell cars, homes, land, or whatever else they can to pay lawyers who then join country clubs and buy BMWs. Maybe my anger is better directed at the criminal justice system that can ruin a person's life just by being charged with a crime and maybe I'm not being fair but to me, defending people shouldn't be a path to prosperity. (Which is why I always shake my head in anger when I hear people rail against death penalty defense attorneys who are in it for the money.) The real point here is that it's probably a good thing my state has a public defender system and doesn't leave it all to appointed counsel because I would be useless if I did have to run my own firm. One can't survive on appointments alone, but I would never be able to charge my paying clients enough to pay my bills.

That I would represent all my clients for nothing (or next to it) probably shouldn't come as a surprise to anyone. I've gone on tears before about how seriously I take this profession and how seriously I despise its practitioners who don't take it seriously. One of my most-read posts ever was my rant about the does-not-deserve-to-be-called-a-defense-attorney-should-be-disbarred jerkface who represented Cameron Todd Willingham at trial. So we know I would never talk publicly about my clients, even long after their cases were over (with the caveat that I might say things that would be beneficial to them, of course).

Something else I would never be able to do? Write and publish a tell-all book about my high profile client. Yes, I'm looking at you, Jose Baez. His 400some page book about the Casey Anthony case will be released next Tuesday. But my judgment is already out in full force. Don't do that, man! Don't try to profit off your client like that. Don't expose your client like that. You have a continuing duty of loyalty and confidentiality. You can't just say whatever you want to now that the case is over. Even if you have her permission, you probably shouldn't. And, frankly, it's pretty darn unbecoming. Unprofessional. Sleazy. It's guys like you who make the rest of us look bad and I don't appreciate it.

I especially love the idea that he's "taking on" his critics who doubt his lawyering skills but instead think he just took this case for the publicity. Not exactly helping your case there, Jose. Writing a book all about your client's case kinda seems like a "me, me, me" thing to do.

Everything I wrote in that earlier rant about Willingham's lawyer still holds true for me. The client is always and forever my top priority. I'm not in my cases to earn a buck or make a name for myself. I'm in them to stand between my client and the mighty power of the state. Representing someone charged with a crime is a big responsibility. An awesome responsibility. It's a responsibility that should be respected, not exploited. Writing a tell-all book like this is exploitation. It's disgusting.* I hope no one buys it.






*a colleague suggested to me that Jose Baez might have an agreement with Casey to get her some of the proceeds, seeing as how being the most hated person in the country probably makes job interviews awkward. I sincerely hope that's the case, but that still wouldn't make this ok in my book. (Pun fully intended. I apologize.)