Monday, November 1, 2010

It is time to face the cold,  hard truth: There is nothing for me in this town anymore.  Nothing.  The place I love more than anywhere else in the world and the place I swore I would never leave has become hell.  Everything I thought I had built here has turned to dust.  For months, I have resisted suggestions that I move somewhere because I thought I had something to hold onto.  But it has become all too apparent to me over the past week that I have been holding onto an illusion.  What I thought should be my greatest source of comfort, the thing that should have given me a reason to keep plugging along even when I felt down, has instead become my greatest source of frustration.  And I feel utterly powerless to fix it.  I feel powerless to voice my frustration in any way that will be heard and respected.

And so, I am officially on the job market.  I hate applying for jobs and had long delighted in the fact that I would never have to go through that process again because I believed that if I ever switched jobs, it would be as a result of an opportunity looking for me, not the other way around.  I'm exhausted already at thinking about all of the logistics involved, the applying for a license in another state, dealing with my house (which I probably will have to rent as I can't afford to sell it), finding a new place to live, the actual move, etc.  But I will not survive here.  Not as anyone I want to be.  And the sad truth is that my departure won't affect anyone's daily life here.  The last 9 years of my life have largely been a waste and I have got to cut my losses before it's too late for me.

So, my fellow defenders, if any of you know of any job possibilities, please let me know.  (Preferably no mountains, desert, or states where I would have to take a bar exam.)

3 comments:

Kylie said...

I know the job hunting pain. I wish you better luck than I am having. And you will probably not have any issues finding a job. I know you don't want to, but good luck.

mikeb302000 said...

You know what I'd do if I were you? I'd take a year off and travel around. Maybe you did that once when you were younger, but do it again, I say. Start in Scandanavia, spend three months in Oslo or Helsinki and seriously think about making a new life for yourself there. Move down to France and Germany then and if you make it to Italy contact me.

I'm totally serious. If you're allowing yourself to leave the job you've been in for a while, this is the perfect time to do it. There's a big world out here and it's not possible to really know that living and working in Kansas, no offense.

We're all limited in our open-mindedness by our geographic constraints. Look at mine, if I'd been really open-minded I'd have thrown in Japan and Malaysia, but I can't see that far.

Above all don't worry. You're young and healthy and super intelligent. You can do anything. Just make sure you bring this blog along wherever you go.

Harley said...

That means no California. We do have mountains and don't have reciprocity.

:-(

 
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