Official Report: Case K17360073E

A crime was committed in my living room today. The evidence was undeniable. It was a blatant theft, accompanied by a criminal damage to property count. Warning: the crime scene photo is graphic.

My wannabe cop's mind went through the list of the usual suspects (a mouse, SO, my Uncle Yahooti) before landing on the one I wanted to bring in for questioning.

The suspect did not want to answer my questions.

We must all remember that the suspect has rights. She is presumed to be innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in a court of law. She has no obligation to prove her innocence; rather the state must provide the evidence of her guilt. And she has the right to remain silent, meaning she can refuse to answer any questions. We are obligated not to draw any inference of guilt from her refusal to discuss the matter with me.

All that being said, the suspect is guilty as sin. I am confident that DNA testing on the evidence would conclusively link the suspect to the crime. In my mind, this case has been solved. I believe I will be able to convince the suspect to enter a plea. Unfortunately, I believe the sentencing judge will be lenient. The suspect will probably not suffer any consequences of her bad behavior. The suspect is highly likely to reoffend if confronted with the opportunity.