Suckers!

Ha! You fools really fell for it! You elected the America-hating, Muslim terrorist, Arab Anti-Christ, tax-raising socialist! So here's what's going to happen now.

First, Christmas is cancelled, obviously. Stores will have 48 hours to remove all displays and holiday-themed items.

Second, Korans will be issued to all American homes. Start studying as soon as you receive yours. There will be a test. Please don't ask what happens to those who fail. Failure is not an option.

Third, you will soon receive information about the new ownership arrangement of your personal property: homes, cars, boats, etc. You can all remain living where you have been living until further notice.

Fourth, Monday will be flag-burning day. Every American will be required to burn one American flag each Monday until they are all gone.

Fifth, we're still working on the name change. We're leaning towards the Socialist States of America. But there's a strong minority for United Socialist States of America. Don't bother letting us know which you prefer because you don't get a vote.

Further instructions will be issued on a need to know basis.

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Are there really people out there who thought this was what would happen if we elected Barack Obama to the presidency? I'm not going to bother talking any of them down. I will just laugh delightedly and let them see on their own that the world really won't end. We survived 8 years of Bush; you folks can survive 4 (8???) years of this much smarter, more thoughtful guy!