Today is just one of those days. I've been inexplicably crabby and oddly lonely all day. Everything's a little off. I got up before 8 to take the dog out, then went back to bed for an hour or two. Next thing I knew, it was noon. Some days I don't mind sleeping until noon, but today it threw me off. Then the Royals game was rained out, so my plan to watch the game today was foiled. So I went to Target, which is usually my happy place. But even Target was a disappointment today. Pushing a grocery cart with a broken arm is not as easy as it sounds. At least I got a pair of cute shoes for under $8. But that didn't fix the crabby

I did go to Office Depot and buy DragonDictate (product shot). I'm experimenting with it now and I hope this will make writing, both personal and professional, easier in the coming weeks. Though I'm out of the splint, I still can't quite turn my arm to the right angle to type. Plus, my range of motion is ridiculous and I still feel like I can't do anything with that hand. I did knit a whole row the other day, but it was slow-going and I was really sore afterwards. (On a side note, speaking a blog post is an odd experience. I'm not sure how this is going to work out for me.)

I think ultimately this weekend has been off for me because I'm in a period of waiting. Over the past year I feel like I haven't been living so much as waiting for things to happen. But I've actually taken some steps to make things happen of late, but whether those will work out for me is out of my hands at this point. There's really nothing more I can do. And I really suck at waiting. I do hope I hear back soon on at least one of these prospects, because Sunday is usually my favorite day of the week, my day to relax and be by myself (without feeling lonely), and I don't want to see another one ruined the way this one was.

Wish me luck.

Yes, I'm that competitive

I'll admit it. I want to see the pictures of Osama Bin Laden. Not because I don't believe he's dead. Not because I disagree with the President's reasoning for not publishing them. Not because I just hate the sob and will take pleasure in seeing his brain matter coming out of an eye socket.

No, I want to see them because I'm competitive. People who have seen the photos keep talking about how gruesome they are. Well, I've seen plenty of gruesome photos. More than my fair share. I've seen gunshot wounds and stab wounds. I've seen bodies that were dumped in rivers and I've seen bodies that were buried in shallow graves. I've seen near decapitations and full decapitations. And I've seen fire victims.

So the competitor in me wants to a) prove to Sen. Inhofe and others that I can handle seeing anything without blinking and b) prove that my gruesome photos are way more gruesome.

I don't think this is a normal way of thinking. I probably need therapy.

Yes, I do now set off the metal detectors at courthouses. It is a good thing I don't go to court very often because that being wanded thing could get really annoying. I'm not sure how I feel about actually seeing that wand light up at my wrist. I know I've been saying it's cool that I'm bionic now, but the human body really isn't supposed to set off metal detectors. And I don't want to be more machine than human. Though some might say I might as well because I'm already pretty twisted and evil.

Side note: why are the security guards at the courthouse asking me what I'm there for? Isn't it a public building? If I didn't have proper business there, would they not let me in? Plus, I can't help but think it's fairly obvious what a suit-wearing, briefcase-carrying adult is doing in a courthouse.

Arm update

Since I know you all have been dying to know, my arm is doing quite well. I'm now out of the splint and in a sleek black wrist guard. A removable wrist guard! Which means real showers with no plastic bags or Saran wrap. And no wardrobe limitations. These are very exciting things.

My doctor's staff doesn't think I'll have much of a noticeable scar, which is a bummer. And many of my friends are bummed that there is no cast for them to sign. But those bummers aside, I can't complain.

Well, yes, I can because reading anything but magazines or hard back books is a hassle. And knitting is slow and painful, so I just don't do it. And driving isn't much fun. (Unfortunately, I have to drive 2 hours one way for work tomorrow all by myself. I'd better pick a good radio station because one-armed driving makes channel surfing rather treacherous.) Oh, and the adhesive glue they put on my incision stinks.

But I'm managing. I can free my arm from the wrist guarded times (though it's still more comfortable to keep it on). I have much greater range of finger motion (though typing with my left hand is still not really happening). My office found me a dictation device that will turn my audio files into text, which should make finishing my outstanding briefs much easier. And I can hold up to a pound in my left hand. Woot! That may not sound like much, but being able to grab a paper towel or hold a key ring with the free hand makes life a lot easier.

I have my eye on an obstacle run at the beginning of August. That may be overly-optimistic (it involves a monkey bar obstacle), but I'm gonna shoot for it anyway.

And next time I go roller skating, I will wear my wrist guards! Maybe.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

No arts for you!

I've never been a fan of Sam Brownback. Never voted for him for Senate. Didn't vote for him for Governor. I disagree with him on just about every issue. Rumor has it he's personally not opposed to the DREAM Act, but that sure didn't show up in his senate vote. He's also allegedly opposed to the death penalty, but I'm really not optimistic he would do the right thing if give the opportunity to spare a condemned man. He's certainly not pushing for repeal of the death penalty, even though he's supposed to be all about cost-saving and cutting the d.p. would save money.

I fundamentally disagree with his view of the role of government and his focus on evangelism. I find his connection to The Family to be disturbing. I find his interest in pushing as many government services to private contracts as possible to be horrifying. (Private prisons are a nightmare to me; prison health services have already been privatized and it's bad.) And he seems hell-bent on destroying public education, aligning himself with people who feel that college is really only for the upper classes anyway. (And yet liberals are supposed to be the elitists?!)

But even I didn't think he'd do something this arrogant, dictatorial, obnoxious. As governor, Brownback used his executive privilege to cut the Kansas Arts Commission, an agency with all of about 5 employees and a budget of under $1 million. But the commission qualifies the state for federal funds that we would lose out on otherwise. And it brings in money. So the legislature invoked its prerogative to reject the cut and kept the commission. While the House and Senate are still wrangling over details, both sides include funding for the commission in next year's budget.

But Brownback was determined to get his way. So this evening, he simply laid off all the employees of the commission. Well, that's sure one way to get his way. Who cares about following proper procedure. And who cares that we'll be the only state without an arts commission. This is what the Governor wants, so this is just how it's gonna be. The arts are for sissies, anyway.

Eliminating the arts commission saves the state about $700k, but probably costs the state more in federal matching funds and tourism income. And then there's increased difficulty in enticing people and companies to move to the state. People looking to move look for quality schools and access to things like the arts, dining, etc. It's ridiculously short-sighted of the Governor not to see how having an arts commission can benefit a state.

The above factors convince me that this isn't about saving money at all. This is about getting government out of things he doesn't want government to be involved in, like the arts. (Who knows what he'll think to do to limit public education...) Of course, he does want government to be deeply involved in other things, like the ins and outs of a woman's consultation with her doctor when she's considering an abortion. (He just signed into law something that micro-manages that patient-doctor consultation.) Brownback has his view of government's proper role and he will impose it on all the rest of us whether we like it or not.

It's gonna be a long 4 years. 

Surgery on Friday went well. I am now bionic with 2 plates and 5 screws. My wrists are so unnaturally small, I'm having a hard time understanding where exactly all that titanium fits.

Though I was sleepy the rest of Friday, I was never foggy. I remember everything from the first moment I woke up only about an hour and a half after being put under. I also remember the conversation in the o.r. Before I was knocked out. It was about the death penalty, of course. I spent my last few moments before surgery trying to convince one of my scrub techs to oppose the death penalty. I did have help in the form of another scrub tech who noted that their job was quite similar to mine: we are to keep the person in front of us alive, regardless of what they've done before getting to us.

While I was in surgery, my sweet friend mowed my yard. She returned to the surgical center in time to greet me when I woke up. She got my prescriptions, washed my dishes, took care of my dog while I slept, etc. Another set of friends took over for the evening shift before sweet friend returned to spend the night. In the morning, she washed my hair and helped me get dressed for the noon wedding I was attending.

I had a lovely time at the wedding, especially since everyone was so solicitous of my needs. After a brief nap at home, I moved on to a slumber party where once again sweet friend would be in charge of my care. I ate a lot, drank just a little, and popped many, many pain pills.

But today, I am finally feeling like someone recovering from surgery. I did change this morning, from one set of pajamas to another. And I did watch most of the Royals game. (sweep of the Twins! Woot!) But for most of the day, I have been asleep on the couch. Perhaps I should have done a little more of that yesterday as well.

Or perhaps I just don't need that much rest. I am bionic now, after all.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Done whining. For now.

The Hand Guy has decided I need surgery. As my best friend says it is just like me to break a wrist with such spectacular brilliance, I require surgery to fix it. And I really was skating super fast, just like a jammer would.

Before going today to schedule surgery, I checked with my parents to figure out when they would be available to deal with me having outpatient surgery. Sometime next week was about it for them. But then the physician's assistant told me they could get me in tomorrow. I had a moment of panic fearing I would have to turn down such a lucky surgery schedule because I had no one to drive me or help me after. Within 20 minutes, though, I made contact with 3 friends, all of whom promised to do whatever I needed. And a 4th promised me a ride to the wedding on Saturday as I don't think I could drive myself so soon after even minor surgery.

So maybe I'm not entirely in this alone.